Welcome to the Machine, a new Normal - Now Stop It!

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My wife bought me a handheld GPS unit around 2011 or 2012, one of the old Garmin models. In truth, she wasn’t simply being nice.

 I had just returned from an elk hunting trip with some buddies and I told her the story of how I spent almost an entire morning wandering around like Warren looking for his baseball…with bears!

She sent me to the sporting goods store the next day.

She also likes to tell people that the first official “fight” we had as a married couple was when I repeatedly picked the wrong direction to the next ride at Disneyland, on our honeymoon. I think this is just being cruel. Everybody gets lost at Disneyland…right? Magic Kingdom my a$$.

Anyone who has spent any time at all with me outdoors will confirm that I could probably get lost in a round room. Just ask my brother. He has spent many hours waiting for me to show up at the LZ, only to realize I was MIA. He just got used to it.

I was so acutely aware of this fact that I avoided wandering off by myself if I could help it. That particular elk hunt, I could not. Garmin cured me of this problem.

A couple of years later the OnX maps app blew up, so now I have a map and GPS right on my phone. Thank you Steve Jobs. The Garmin became obsolete for me.

(image from OnXmaps.com)

In the span of only a few years, I had gone from the back seat of Ms. Daisy's car, to walking around comfortably with my Garmin, to searching for Solomon's Temple on my own. I had found a new normal.

I’ve come to learn that humans are incredibly adept, as a species, at creating a new level to call “normal”.

I mean look no further than the recent pandemic we all experienced in 2020. How many of the things we had become accustomed to like overstocked shelves at Walmart or getting decent service at a restaurant just aren’t the same anymore? Everywhere you go, you see signs stating, “Please excuse the delay, we are short-staffed today.” And if they do have help, it looks like she read Mark Manson's book and just doesn't give a F###!

What about those of you who remember flying before September 2001? I showed up to the airport one time 20 minutes before the plane boarded, and I made it! Now it's like being lost in translation.

The Machine, Your New Normal

I’ll cover the technical stuff further down in the post for those of you who like the science. For now, let’s keep it simple.

Your brain is an incredibly fast supercomputer, whose favorite thing to do is take stuff out of an area that requires thought and processing, and move it into an area of unconscious or subconscious activity. Most of our lives take place on “autopilot”. Picture Neo sitting in the chair learning karate.

When was the last time you committed thought to brushing your teeth, tying your shoes, or waving at someone? What about getting home from work or going to your Mom’s house? How many of you can still drive a manual transmission vehicle? You don’t even think about it, you just "shut up and drive".

The upside of this incredible brain function is that we don’t have to apply resources or thoughts to most of our daily activities. So we can use that freed-up functioning for important stuff.

Like determining if the co-worker who just ignored you when you walked into the office is mad at you for stealing her yogurt. Did I do something I don’t remember? Maybe she didn’t see me?

Or what your spouse is possibly doing that is so important they haven’t replied to the text message you sent 3 minutes ago. Doesn't she know my hair is on fire?

The downside to this miracle of brain power is that it’s a b###h when it comes to something like finding “Happiness”. Or to be more appropriate, when it comes to finding things that make you happy.

What made you happy yesterday may not work tomorrow. Or if it worked two years ago, now it’s just another Fast and Furious sequel without Paul Walker, nice, but meh.

And this is a HUGE problem Houston, so let’s fix it.

Resetting the balance.

Image by 🤦‍♂️爪丨丂ㄒ乇尺 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️ 卩丨ㄒㄒ丨几Ꮆ乇尺🤦‍♀️ from Pixabay

Have you ever heard a story about a partner, or worse a child, who lived in an abusive environment, but when allowed to leave, kept going back to it?

“The Devil you know…”

You probably said the same thing I did, “I don’t get it, why don't you Goodbye Earl and hit the road Jack?"

Some do, most don’t. Because the abuse has become “their” normal. It has become what they associate with a normal pattern of behavior from their loved one and the fear of being without that person is stronger than the desire to flee. So the brain adapts. It stuffs that thing into a box so they can cope and it moves on to more important activities.

Don’t think you’re special because you’d never do that.

#1 - You’ve never walked in their shoes. 

#2 - You do it all the time with your happiness. (It’s one of the biggest reasons you’re looking for more)

Next time you get the chance, take a peek inside a kindergarten or first-grade classroom. You’re going to see some kids working with crayons, some kids playing with blocks, some looking at Thomas the Train books. They all look pretty happy, right? Smiling, laughing, having a great time.

Take the same class and swap out those kids for high school seniors. A population smack dab in the middle of hormones and attitude. Add the fact they think they are the smartest people on the planet and you went from "dogs and bees smell fear", to the Breakfast Club.

What’s the difference?

A change in the definition of what it takes to “be happy”.

Heck, the first set of kids don’t even think about it, they just wake up happy. The second set of kids is almost at adult-level cravings for constant stimulus, entertainment, and TikTok scrolling, just to put a smile on their face.

Don’t laugh, you’re not much better Amazon Prime... It’s okay, I’m here to help.

We talked about, in a previous post, that it will never be sweeter than the first time. The first kiss, the first ride on a roller coaster, the first time you see a ball game at Wrigley Field. (I still get goosebumps on that one.)

Because our brains are so good at adapting, we don’t have the same level of awe and appreciation the second, or third, or tenth time. You kissed a girl and liked it, now you don't know if you even like cherry chapstick anymore. 

So while thinking about the first time you went fishing with your Dad still paints a vivid picture in your memory, now you don’t want to sit in a boat and listen to him talk Sean Hannity all afternoon.

It’s still fishing with your Dad!!

When it comes to finding your happiness, you are unfortunately a victim of a very efficient system that works against you. 

After repeated exposure to almost any stimulus, good or bad, our brains will reset the balance of what we see as normal.

Hedonic Adaptation - When the shine wears off

That’s a really big word for me and should signal to you that the science stuff is starting…oh joy.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Just the word “Hedonic Adaptation” is an example of what we’re talking about. It comes from the term “Hedonism” which was coined when everybody walked around wearing togas and used to describe a school of ancient Greek philosophy. They taught, in a manner of speaking, that the chief purpose of life was to seek pleasure. 

So, for someone who just parties all the time, ala Van Wilder and doesn’t partake in regular adult activities like work, family, and taxes, critics would refer to living a life of “hedonism”. (Not Van WYLDER...that's a whole nother level of Hedonism!)

It didn’t get much air time until the 1970s when the concept of Positive Psychology started gaining traction. (That’s what you and I are doing today, talking about Positive Psychology, happy little trees).

The term “Hedonic Adaptation” eventually morphed into the “Hedonic Treadmill” and refers directly to the fact that we will almost always revert to a stable baseline when exposed to a repeated stimulus, thus readjusting our “normal”.

Think of a hamster running on its wheel. It’s moving a lot, it’s just not getting anywhere.

So for guys like me or you, who are just pilgrims on a search for Happiness, we now have a fancy term to describe what happens when you THINK the new car or the bigger house will make you happy…and it doesn’t. (Well, it does for a little while, but then it doesn’t.)

It all becomes your new normal.

Okay, Damn, that’s enough Science!!! My brain hurts.

My point is that the shine will wear off. It always does. You KNOW it does. That’s why you keep chasing the next big thing to give you a hit of dopamine and a feeling of pleasure that you associate with being happy. Welcome to the age of constant stimulation.

Well WTF do we do then Dewey??!

I’m so glad you asked.

The Philosophy of G.I. Joe

(image via imdb)

It is not a small debate that anchors around this little tidbit of wisdom from a 1980s cartoon called “G.I Joe”. He ended every episode by saying, “Now you know...and knowing is half the battle…”

Half of us believe that “knowing is half the battle”, the other half think we’re having dinner with the Scmucks because we know, but we don’t have a plan. And just knowing is not the same as fixing.

Well, I do have a plan Spike Lee. (the idiot part is still up for debate)

And now that you KNOW about the science stuff above, and the fact that you’re going to eventually lose interest in your shiny new whatever and go back to QVC for another; let’s not go down that road.

So here’s the plan.

1. You now know how your brain works. 

   • It takes something “bad”, or in our case, “awesome” (cause we’re looking for happy stuff) and it eventually turns it into something NORMAL that doesn’t shine or bother us anymore. We adapt.

2. Just like when you see a red car you want, but you never noticed the red car before, and now you see red cars everywhere, we’re going to program our brains to pick out the happy stuff and notice them. We're going Searching for Neverland together.

3. And because we are going to be on the lookout for happy stuff, it makes sense we will be more aware of the not-happy stuff and we can try to avoid that sh$#. Or at least offset it. Pizza, good. Traffic, bad.

Here we go.

In my book, Dear Sam (link here), I tell the story of the World’s best cup of coffee. Don’t even start! Unless you’ve had this one, you’re not qualified to argue the point. And it's not the one Buddy the Elf found either!

I found this cup of coffee in a previous life as a traveling salesman for a food company. I spent many Friday mornings sitting in my car, between appointments, lost in the absolute glory of this heavenly liquid.

It has remained to this day one of the little pleasures that I take joy from, as often as just last week. I sent my daughter a picture.

The point of the story and it’s applicable here, is that I recognized the pleasure I was getting from this simple cup of love. So instead of allowing it to just fade into the background like so many others, I have reserved a special place in my brain for it. 

Whenever I need it, or just want it, I can go get a cup, sit there with the deliciousness, and revel in the dopamine shooting through my body. "Please sir, may I have some more?"

On an oddly similar note, take Starbucks. I like Starbucks, I applaud a lot of what they do as a company, not all of it, but most of it. My daughter even worked there for a couple of years.

Living in Montana, we were a little late to the game when Starbucks started expanding. It took us a few years to get one in our town, now we have a bunch.

When we traveled out of the area, especially Seattle, which used to be an every-other-year trip, I would search for a Starbucks to get a great cup of coffee. And go see Jimmy Hendrix's grave stone. (Excuse me while I kiss the sky.)I mistakenly found Bruce Lee's the first time, but that's another story.

It became a little ritual for me. My wife would find a Starbucks wherever we went.

I would experience a similar euphoria sitting inside a Starbucks as I did sitting with my the little slice of heaven back home.

Photo by Kaique Rocha

Once we started having them pop up in our hometown, I didn’t want it to be Fleetwood Mac's Tusk. So I avoided them locally. I wanted to continue to enjoy them when I traveled. I know, weird, right?

But, that’s exactly what I’m teaching you today.

I knew the experience would become normal and ordinary, so I made a purposeful decision to NOT let it happen. I wanted it to stay special because it brought me happiness. I did the same thing with that cup of coffee in my hometown.

I protected it and preserved it by making it special in my mind. It’s my choice. It’s not a law that says it has to be just normal for me, I get to choose.

And so do you. You have to do it on purpose.

So here’s your homework. Commit some time to thinking about those things that bring you simple pleasures, Nirvana with Kurt Cobain. Things that put a smile on your face.

• Then put them in a special box in your brain and protect them. Don’t let them become Courtney Love and Hole.

• Once you have a stockpile of these little things, you can use them on the days you need them.

• We all know those days are gonna show up when you just don’t feel like smiling…now you know how to create a mixed tape of happiness sh##, instead of the one that stalker girl gave you with alt-Punk bands and Ska you never heard of.

The lesson here is, once you know that you are in a constant battle against taking things for granted, making them a new normal, and just going through the motions, STOP doing that. 

Stop letting your own brain take away your happiness.

Start taking pleasure from the little everyday things that should be special. 

Kissing your kids before putting them to bed. Getting to call your mom whenever you want to. Completing an assignment at work and crossing it off your list.

There are NO RULES for what you get to pick. I like George Strait, The Cranberries, AND Run DMC. The point is just to pick stuff. Stuff you enjoy, stuff that makes YOU smile.

Then stick it in a special place in your mind and don’t let it become your normal.

Once you start “looking for happiness”, you can start finding it all over the place. We just get really bad at looking for it.

“...and now you know…”

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See ya’ll next time.

Dewey

cover image by gugacurado from Pixabay