Will - by Will Smith with Mark Manson

I have rarely gotten to the end of a book and immediately my mind started walking me back through the pages and breaking it down for me…for what “I” needed from the book.

This is one of them. My mind was racing back through the chapters and pulling out nuggets. My copy is now covered in dog-eared pages, green highlighter, and pencil notes.

"It's respectable to lose to the universe. It's a tragedy to lose to yourself." - Will Smith, Will

I think I peed a little

I felt like it was equal parts biography, tale of caution and zen buddhist wisdom. I mean Hell, the introduction hits you with a statement that sounds like it came straight from Yoda…”there is no wall.”

Of all the things this book is: a love story, a tragedy, a coming-of-age tale rising to the top, of the top, of the top AND STILL not being okay with YOU, a history lesson for an 80’s kid into the roots of Hip Hop music, a nostalgic stroll through my last couple decades of favorite movies and music; this book was an inspiration for me.

It is my deepest belief that there are only two types of people in this world; people who have a dream, a hope if you will, for their future, their destiny, and their purpose for being here. And people who haven’t gotten there yet. There’s even a chapter titled “Purpose”.

I 100% emphatically believe we are all created and put here with a unique gift and purpose. I don’t believe anyone is just here, taking up space, a “Hobby Lobby” filler piece, or decoration.

Our job is to find it and put it to use.

I’ve only just started to touch mine, and I’ve been looking for 20 years, so don’t give up hope on yourself.

This book inspired me to take action and put that dream in motion RFN! I’ve been dabbling for a couple of years. And, I’d actually convinced my wife to give me the next 90 days to get it up and running.

See, like you, I’ve spent most of the last 40 years just turning the hamster wheel. Get up, go to work, go home, love your family, can’t wait for the weekend, rinse and repeat…oh, and pay your taxes!

But I’ve known for some time now that I was meant for more than that. I’ve had a taste of my dream and my purpose.

So I left my “job” in December 2023, cashed in most of the 401K, and talked her into giving me a shot.

I’m a teacher, a helper, a lifter, and a lover. I love people deeply and want nothing more than for them to have the best life they choose to chase after. When they immortalize me with a statue one day, it will be me looking down with an outstretched arm, reaching to pull someone up.

One of the things you’ll learn fast when you step out to start your own journey is that no matter how far down the road you “think” you are, you’re gonna spend more time than you expected sorting out all the Bullsh** rolling around in your head. Coming to grips with the “real” you and not the you that you thought was in there.

It forces you to face all of your inadequacies, your shortcomings. All of the areas where you had been kind of petting around the edges and never fully committed. Or all the baggage you’ve been carrying that you just never dealt with.

Will paints an amazing picture of a guy who you’d think has the world by the balls and is sitting on top of the mountain in a lotus position. (he DOES, by the way, the ball thing...)

Image by Lavillia from Pixabay

When in truth, he’s just a human. An astonishingly talented human, but still a human. It shows you all of him, like he says of his father, “warts and all.”

It might not be acceptable to even say this out loud, but here goes.

I don’t know if Mark did most of the writing based on notes and interviews with Will, or if Will did the writing and Mark did the polish.

Probably Will, I mean, Jeezus, what can't the man do??! It’s entirely irrelevant either way. I LOVED IT!

I wasn’t a huge fan of Mark’s style after reading his other works. He obviously didn’t need my google review, he seems to be doing pretty well without it. It was simply a difference in style…some people like chocolate ice cream, some people like strawberry.

This book blew me away, so I don’t even care. (Now I have to go re-read THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK)

I’m sitting here writing this and I feel like I know Will. Like we could sit down and have a coffee together, or a vodka cranberry, maybe cruise around Philly and have him show me where to get the best cheesesteak. It feels like if he walked in and sat down at the table next to me, he’d give me the nod like I was one of the boys and I wouldn’t freak out like a little girl. (Not even remotely possible, I’d squeal to my wife and maybe pee a little.)

That impressed me, sincerely.

And it kicked me into another gear.

I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, so this is not a summary. This is what Dewey got from the book. What Dewey needed and what changed him… forever.

Jumping Points

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I feel the need here to apologize to both Mark and Will, and yet, after reading the book, I don’t think I will.

The final chapter of the book is titled “Jump”. I won’t give details, go read it.

I finished the chapter and almost instantly started going back to points in the book, in his story, where he faced similar “jumping points” to the one in that chapter.

Jumping points, for me, are places in your life where we’re faced with a BIG decision.

Nope, this is BullSh#t, I'm out.

OR

Like he says in Chapter 10 - “F#ck it, gimme ten minutes”

I’m officially in the ten minute crowd, for life!

Be Ready When The Universe Picks You

The first such jumping point for me is the night he meets Jeff, well, DJ Jazzy Jeff that is, for the first time.

He didn’t go into the meeting expecting to step into his future, he had other plans for the night. Life has a way of changing your plans OFTEN!

He was already establishing himself in the Hip Hop scene around Philly and had been working on his dream for a while. He just didn’t know the part Jeff would play.

He describes the evening as “divine inspiration” and equates it to an athlete being “in the zone”.  For him, the very first time in his life he experienced what the taoist called “flow”.

With the encounter and the events of the night he had a decision, a jumping point. Carry through with the plans he had, keep moving in that direction, or jump in with Jeff. You know the choice he made.

Here’s the lesson I took away. For each of us looking to step into our future and chase the dream in our hearts, we have to be in a constant state of readiness. We need to be doing all we can to prepare and improve, so when fate calls our number, we’re ready to jump.

Are you just dreaming, or are you getting better. Are you dabbling, or are you laser focused?

Scoop, bag, Scoop Bag…

There is a huge life lesson in the night he first hears his record on the radio. Again, you’re not getting details, go read it!

Just know that even after touching the future, there may be a time when you’re still stuck in the motions of your previous life. Stuck in the everyday monotony of your routine. Don’t take your foot off the gas. You never know when the scale will tip in your favor.

If you quit scooping, it may never tip.

Arsenio Hall and Quincy Jones

The second jumping point for me has two parts of equal value.

Part one: “...you ain’t gonna find it in this kitchen”.

He is in the kitchen of his apartment with Tanya in Marina Del Rey when she hits him in the face with some truth. He’s been recovering and recouping from having his world crash and facing a real glimpse of never achieving his dreams.

She recognized it was time to quit licking his wounds and commiserating over all that appeared to be lost. Been there, bought a t-shirt. 

Seeing your future and having it apparently ripped away, is one of the most miserable experiences you’ll face. Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote, “...Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…” Anyone who’s walked it would beg to disagree.

Hopefully , if we have people around who love us, they’ll do what she did. She pushes him, against his will, to just start moving again. “I don’t f*ckin’ know!”. “But whatever it is, you ain’t gonna find it in this kitchen! Just go…”

So he did.

But it didn’t happen right away, Hell no. Life isn’t gonna hand it to you. He had to keep scooping some more. Then he met a guy who knew a guy. Ain’t that the way it works?

Part two: “F*ck it, gimme ten minutes.”

There are SOOO many good parts in the chapter “Alchemy”.

#1 - His direct quote, “As a general rule, if someone asks me if I can do something, the answer is always yes”. Pure gold.

If it looks like an opportunity, say yes and figure out the details! We get scared too often because we think we have to be perfect to jump and start chasing…you don’t.

Mel Robbins paraphrase, “You’re not an imposter, you're just a rookie.” So jump.

#2 - Will quotes Quincy Jones as saying, “Things are always impossible, right up until they’re not.” I’m not gonna go all cliché and start listing times when people did the impossible, you get it. Point is simple… it’s always impossible until it’s not. So Jump.

#3 - My favorite. He lays out what I’ve labeled “Quincy's Magic Formula”.

FAITH + PREPARATION + SURRENDER = MAGIC

Image by madenme from Pixabay

But for the purpose of our little journey here, the story is when he is at Quincy Jones's house for his birthday party and he has to “audition” for The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, right now! No warning, no preparation, here’s the script, go…

He has a decision, one of many you’ll read about, that changed the course of his life. And once again, life has not fully prepared him to be in this position (he thinks). So he can either step back into fear and “I need more time”, “I’m not ready”, “The websites are not done, I’m not polished enough”, “What if I suck?”, “What will everybody think?”, or he can do what he did, what you need to do, what I needed to do…JUMP.

“F*ck it, gimme ten minutes.”

I read this chapter three times. By far it has the most green highlighter of all the rest. 

Coincidentally, he used the phrase again later in the book when facing the choice to give into the circumstances around him. Not feeling well, can’t talk, exhausted, getting ready to step on an airplane and head across the country, OR jump on an opportunity he knew was EPIC and head to the recording studio RFN. He did, it was, end of story.

I think I’m gonna keep this one handy.

Learning From The Masters

As with so many of life’s lessons, even if we catch it the first time, it keeps coming back around again until we “get it”. I have instinctively known this point most of my life. 

I spend a lot of time reflecting back on past lessons. Partly because I don’t want to face them again, partly because I want to make sure I didn’t miss the “bigger picture”. 

I read one time that Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward…” In the past several years, I’ve found myself looking back more. Not in regret, but looking for things I missed the first time. It’s part of my gratitude practice.

Will showed two perfect examples of this lesson, Learning from the Masters.

In the first instance he describes a very brief conversation with some of the biggest names in the industry, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stalone and Bruce Willis. They gave him some advice that he called his “secret weapon” and I think we’d all agree, it worked!

In the second, he’s meeting with Steven Spielberg and trying to decide if he wants to take the lead in the first Men in Black movie. Steven ends up giving him similar advice in a different language.

Both conversations lead me to the same place.

We get too “in our own heads” sometimes. We want to have, or know all the answers before we jump. We want to weigh all the options and see how it fits into what we think. We have the wonderful ability to get in our own way. But we don’t have to. Sometimes we just need to follow what works and get out of the way.

The “Three Wise Men” gave him the secret to Hollywood success and Steven Spielberg told him to rely on people who had been there before.

In both cases, he could have continued to push his agenda, his plans, his idea of what to do, or he could stop trying to “reinvent the….” you get it. And just jump. He did.

But it was a great illustration for me, that even someone on a rocket ship to the top, hit the same test on more than one occasion. The first one he went looking for, the second was handed to him. 

I found it comforting to know that while he somehow knew to seek it the first time, the second time he had to have it presented in a way that he could see it, even after the success of the first encounter.

I guess there’s hope for guys like me and you. 

You Just Have To Read It

I could literally write another book telling you how much I loved this book and laying out all it gave me. But you’d miss the joy of reading it. (Or BETTER!!! Listen to the audio book…it’s actually Will Smith…maybe that’s why I feel like I know him. hmmm?)

It is scattered with wisdom about love, loss, introspection, self deception, heartbreak and triumph. It is, as he puts it, a true “Hero’s Story”.

I’ll end this with one of the most beautiful quotes I’ve ever read. One that spoke to my soul when I didn’t even have words to describe my feelings. But when I read it, I said, “Yep, that’s what I felt.” I have known this my entire life and never put it to words. It has called to me as long as I can remember and I never knew why.

Thank you Will and Mark. I’ll never be the same.

“The ebb and flow of the tide is the heartbeat of the planet. When they sit in the ocean all day, they are tuning themselves in to the frequency of the earth.” - Will Smith

Photo by Keegan Houser: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-sitting-on-rock-on-body-of-water-1478685/

See Ya’ll next time.

Dewey