Van Halen Had it right...might as well JUMP!

As I sat on the floor of the tiny, single-engine plane, looking out the jump door at the ground 10,000+ feet below me, I realized, at that moment, that my fear was gone. I mean literally GONE Girl!

Which seems completely unrealistic and you’re probably thinking, “That’s not even remotely possible.”

But it’s the truth. Here’s what happened.

"There are many talented people who haven't fulfilled their dreams because they overthought it, or they were too cautious and were unwilling to make the leap of faith." - James Cameron

Back up a couple of days.

On Sunday morning, my wife and I were readying to take my son to Las Vegas to preemptively celebrate him graduating from in the next few months. He's an adrenaline junky and the only thing he’s wanted to do for the last two years was to drive a race car. Vegas is the perfect place to do it, with a couple of different options. So we booked the trip, and the race experience, and that morning we were packing to leave Monday, zero hour, 9 am.

I hopped in the shower while my wife ran to Target to pick up a few last-minute things.

Right in the middle of brushing my teeth, a thought hit me like a wrecking ball…and I could hear Tim McGraw singing in my head.

With no exaggeration whatsoever I can tell you that my heart started beating out of my chest! I was actually sweating, in the shower!

See, I don’t like heights, never have.

I live in Western Montana and I’ve had opportunities, while hiking in the Rockies, to stand on the side of a cliff and stare down several thousand feet, which I have done…10-15 feet away from the edge. I didn’t even like that.

I had a recurring nightmare, as a child, of my parents taking us on a drive; we would be headed up a huge bridge that just kept climbing up, over the water. At the very top of the bridge, it just ended…and we would dive headfirst, in the car, into the water. My parents would swim away and I’d have to decide who I was going to save, my brother or my sister. Cue the Mission Impossible music...

I would wake in a full-blown panic at the disco, sometimes screaming which woke my parents and had them rushing into my room to console me.

As far as I can tell, that’s most likely where my fear started.

It carried me through most of my life, so much so that I don’t even like Ferris wheels, or carnival rides. I have tempted fate on a roller coaster or two, but never anything crazy. Don't do me like that!

So the thought of jumping out of an airplane made me “pucker” if you know what I mean?

Attacking Fear

Image by Muhammad Usman Nazeer Gilani from Pixabay

As I approach my 53rd birthday here in a couple of weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time the last few years addressing things in my life that I feel have held me back from reaching my full potential. My dreams for the future, in my career, in simply experiencing more of what life has to offer.

Sometimes they are big things (procrastination), sometimes it's all the small things. But I’ve come to understand that they’re all BIG things if they keep me from chasing my dreams. So I started attacking them. If the arrows are coming, then I'll fight in the shade.

The first one I remember distinctly was making my bed.

Like some of you, I saw the commencement speech by retired Admiral William H. McRaven where he talked about the importance of making your bed every day. If you didn’t, click here. It’s worth your time.

He turned it into a New York Times Bestseller and launched his next career. The book titled Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life…And Maybe the World inspired me.

(photo Amazon)

In the speech and the book, he covers little tweaks and tips that if added together, have the potential to transform how you look at life, how you approach your dreams, and how you impact the world around you. It’s a great read and one of my top ten favorites. If you don’t do anything else, watch the video.

That little tweak started a Fleetwood Mac "Landslide" of tweaks in my life that I can honestly say got me to the point I am today…but that’s another story.

The BIGGEST “little” thing I have battled my entire life is FEAR. I think it’s safe to say, 90% of all of us do.

I’ve decided that THIS year, I’m killing it.

“But Dewey”, you say, “ Fear is not a LITTLE thing!”

I used to agree with you until I was sitting on the edge of that airplane jump door, feet dangling in the wind, looking at the ground below, and felt…INCREDIBLE!

Big Willie Style

(photo - album cover - Amazon)

I can’t take all the credit. I have to give some to Will Smith.

About six years ago he had an interview in which he described the first time he went skydiving, what happened the morning of, and the jump experience. How FEAR robs you of enjoying life when it really doesn’t even come into play until that very moment when you are looking out the jump door. (see the interview here).

I instantly thought about that interview as I walked downstairs to my son’s room to ask him if he ever thought about skydiving.

Standing in his doorway, my heart still pounding, I asked the question that very likely has changed the course of my life forever.

“Jake, I need to ask you something and I’m really scared to know your answer.” I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, my hands were sweating.

“You’re freaking me out Dad, what???”

“What would you think about skydiving when we are in Vegas?”

Side note: It’s never a bad idea, when attacking your tweaks, to have someone who either “A” doesn’t battle that tweak, or “B” has ZERO fear, as Goose to your Maverick…if you want to Beat It.

“HELL YEAH, are you serious?!” “I’d do it right now!”

So I booked the jump. And I booked it for early Tuesday morning, thinking that would give me less time to talk myself out of it. We’d get to Vegas Monday afternoon, first thing next morning, let's go do this.

But here’s what happened in the roughly 42 hours between booking and standing there looking at that little airplane with a garage door on the side.

My fear was GONE! Don't get me wrong, I still had some nerves. But the FEAR was gone!

Back on Sunday afternoon, I had started walking through how Will talked about all the things that happened in the time leading up to the jump moment.

Even that morning, standing in a parking lot behind McDonald's waiting for the shuttle, talking to six 20-somethings from all over the world who had also booked the jump, I’m using his advice to kill my fear.

I’m looking at the “kids” half my age, and thinking…”They have no fear, what am I afraid of (I mean other than jumping to my death obviously)?”

It’s a Brain Thing 

(image - pixabay - by geralt)

Some feelings, like George Strait says, "..Just come natural", they’re built into our DNA. Love, joy, happiness, peace…

Some are learned. Anger, hate, jealousy, and Fear. And they can be “un”-learned.

“Well, what about the fight or flight response? That’s built in.”

True. It is a natural response to a stimulus that is uncomfortable. It creates a cascade of hormones and internal body dynamics designed to protect us from harm, it’s a protection mechanism. It’s a good thing.

But that’s not the same thing as FEAR. Fear mimics the response, but it doesn’t have to!

Most psychologists, like Professor Amy Wachholtz, PhD, at the University of Denver define fear as - “..an adaptive response to things that endanger the body or the mind. It’s a complex biomechanical process that involves adrenaline and a number of areas of the brain.” 

(Rodriguez, A. (2021, July 8). Fear-a four-Letter word, defined. CU Denver News. https://news.ucdenver.edu/fear-a-four-letter-word-defined/#:~:text=According%20to%20Professor%20Amy%20Wachholtz,of%20areas%20of%20the%20brain.%E2%80%9D) 

Don’t overlook the key part of that definition, “...a number of areas of the brain.”

Fear is a response in your BRAIN.

And I don’t mean to make it seem too simple like “it’s all in your head”, but, it kind of is...in your head, in your head... what's in your head?

Sure the stimulus is real. But the response is 100% in your brain.

Hear me out.

Some people see an attractive person sitting at the bar and they walk right up telling her she's lost that lovin' feeling. Some don't.

Some are comfortable playing defense on the soccer pitch while some want the ball at the end of the game with time running out so they can be Tom Brady.

Some people run into the building when it’s on fire, some run away.

What’s the difference???

How THEIR brain processes the stimulus. Plain and simple, not great to hear, but it’s still the truth. 

I promised I’d never lie to you, so I can’t. It’s in your head.

“Dewey, you don’t F*ing understand. I was traumatized! This happened to me…”

No, I do. Please hear me. 

I am not making light of your trauma. 

Some people have been through some horrible things that I may never understand. And if you need to, please, seek professional help to work through it. I'm not a doctor.

But, right now, in this moment, whatever fear you are experiencing is being created in your mind. Your brain is reliving the trauma, reminding you of what occurred and telling you how to respond. You are not, as we sit here, I HOPE, in any danger.

I know that is hard to listen to when you have been through something traumatic.

But...if it’s in YOUR head…YOU can change it! You have control!

Here’s how I did it. Not just with skydiving. I’ve started using this on ALL my fears.

Baby Steps

I broke down what Will Smith talked about in a way that made sense to me and I started applying it to all my fears. One Baby Step at a time, thank you Leo Marvin. 

Lying in bed that night thinking about the jump, I told myself “You’re here safe in bed, nothing can hurt you, is there any fear here?” “No.”

I’ve been to Vegas before, and had a great time. Viva Las Vegas.

I’ve been to an airport, been on a plane, dozens of times, no fear.

I have watched people skydive, so I know it’s possible and they didn’t die. I know people who have done it and didn’t die.

I had to wait my turn as 8 other people in front of Jake and I all suited up, put on a harness, walked out the door laughing and high-fives, and then walked back in the same door about 35 minutes later.

The only thing I DON’T KNOW is what it feels like to jump! (Well, I don’t know what it feels like to hit the ground at 120 MPH either, but that’s not the point.)

By breaking the whole process down into little pieces, I was able to compartmentalize the fear of the moment and push it to the side, right up until I hit the actual thing I had never experienced.

Right up until I was looking out that door and getting ready to fly like an Eagle...

And in that exact moment…there was ZERO FEAR! I mean it was GONE!

So it got me thinking…What am I afraid of anymore? 

What are YOU afraid of?

How many things in our lives that have been driven by fear, could be different if you just broke them down the same way?

You walk into work every day with no fear of going to work. You’ve talked to your boss before, maybe in the breakroom or whatever, no fear in that. At some point in your life, probably, you have gotten a raise before, no fear of a raise. You’ve asked a question of someone before and the answer was “No”. It might not have felt great, but you survived.

But somehow, in your brain, you can't go talk to Gordon Gekko and ask for a raise.

You’ve talked to an attractive person before, hopefully, maybe in a group setting. You’ve been on a date before, maybe. Chances are you’ve also experienced rejection before. It sucked, but did you die...?

Where is the fear?

Let’s go bigger, more personal. Let’s go back to where I sit today and maybe this is YOU too.

Since I was seventeen I've been workin' for a livin', so thirty-six years. I have no fear of work.

I have started new jobs before. I’ve had over a dozen jobs in my life, sometimes multiple jobs at one time. No fear of starting a new job.

I have spoken in front of people before, on a stage. I have written and published content that people enjoyed and complimented me. I have recorded short videos and put them on Facebook, and people liked them.

What I have NEVER done before is leave a secure, paying job, with benefits and a boss, to take all of those pieces above and create a platform where I am the boss and any income I make is 100% on me.

So you know what I did…I put on my David Lee Roth face, and I jumped!

And so should YOU!

Maybe not exactly like me, that’s my dream. I have a dream...what’s yours?

What is sitting on the other side of the FEAR that is running like a crazy train through your head RIGHT NOW?

Yes, it is. 

Otherwise, you’d already be doing it. It’s fear.

Fear of failing.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of what somebody might think.

Fear of not making any money and can’t pay my bills.

Fear of admitting who I really am inside and having people not accept me.

You have never been on the other side of the fear you are facing and you just don’t know what’s over there.

Listen to me guys. 

You are going to fail. You are going to be rejected. You are going to run into Mean Girls who don’t get you and will never accept what you're doing. 

It’s going to suck!

That’s just part of life, embrace the suck.

The quicker you accept it is what it is, the quicker you get on with living. And you are now one baby step closer to who and what you want to be.

1. Break it down into little steps.

2. Take each one in its context, in its own moment. No focus on the next.

3. Then stand up at the door of that plane, realize you DON'T KNOW HOW INCREDIBLE IT MIGHT BE... and JUMP!!

I promise you won’t regret it, no matter what happens...

You won't know until you begin.

See Y'all next time.

Dewey